It’s the last week of February, which means I couldn’t dare leave you without a little bit of love action before the month’s up!
And although I’ll admit, a little late to the bandwagon, I think we can both agree that the Bridgerton bandwagon is well worth it, due to the delicious duke inside, (and pictured above)!
I mean, romance, an inclusive variety of beautiful beings, pop songs parodied by the Vitamin String Quartet, parties in the garden with a sniff of scandal – what’s NOT to love?!
At this point, you’ve probably realized I’m pretty obsessed with the series for MANY reasons.
But what I think I admired most about this Netflix series, (based on the books written by Julia Quinn), is it’s framing of female, sexual liberation as well as the give and take, ebb and flow, that comes within the compromises often demanded of any given pair.
Now, if you’ve never seen the series, you might want to forgo today’s blog too.
But in words like Whistledown’s, consider yourself forewarned:
We’re spilling some serious tea today.
So, shall we waltz through these 5 Bridgerton quotes that Whistledown writes, and I believe you’ll want to bring into your bedroom?…like ASAP!
(Disclosure: A few of the links in this post are affiliate links, meaning that, if you go through them to purchase, I will receive a commission. All items were linked based on my honest recommendation and authentic adoration for the product, not because of the commission, but please keep in mind that whether or not you are inclined to explore them is completely up to you!)
Now, to commence with our very first Lady Whistledown quote, let’s note:
1. “But as we know, the brighter a lady shines, the faster she may burn.”
It’s no secret that a strong theme of Bridgerton is sexuality, with a special exploration of the sexual agency of women coloring it’s carnally charged contents.
What’s that saying about cutting it with a knife?
Well let me just say the sexual tension in Bridgerton is cut THICK, and covered in frosting.
(Now, now, no need to blush!…Yet 😉
With mothers who never taught their daughters what sex was, and a society that simultaneously kept it secret to them, the women of Mayfair were influenced into believing that the only pleasure and pride possible for them would become available through securing a husband.
And the reality of monogamous matchmaking (to put it as dramatically as Simon sliding his tongue across that spoon) made it so:
One more woman wed = the percentage of possibility for us other women to get our dream life = down a percentage too touchy to bare.
Which meant that: the better you did at drawing in your boo thang, the more desperate other women would become to drag you down.
That was the reality for women at that time.
But now is not that time.
And yet we see this masochistic, winner-takes-all mentality too often seeping through our subconscious, as if it’s a part of an epigenetic curse to divide us women.
Trickling down and tainting our power, the mindset that one woman’s gain is another woman’s loss once taught us to turn against each other.
Just like the lyrics of Beyoncé’s Flawless remix with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie illuminate, “We raise girls to see each other as competitors…for the attention of men.”
But the reality of today is:
It’s not like the 1800’s when only one of us could share in the deep dedication, love and support of a duke.
As they say, there are PLENTAY of fish in the sea HUNNAY!
And (don’t kill me for this coupling of clichés…but) we can ALL be queens in our own right!
AKA: even if ALL of your friends start getting engaged, it doesn’t mean you’re any farther away from the same.
And one extra juicy cucumber sandwich for thought (you know, the type at high-tea?):
What if Lady Whistledown meant this in the “burn for you” way too?
(In other words: “hot and horned up.”)
Could it possibly be Whistledown whispering the key to REAL pleasure?
Could she be suggesting that the way to the BEST sex comes from simply shining in your own self-love at the ultimate extent?
Perhaps even, from the inside out?
2. “After all, why settle for a duke when one can have a prince?”
Dangggg, a duke OR a prince?
Just don’t make me choose between Cardi B and Nicki and WE GOOD.
Jokes aside, I hate using the word “should,” which is why I’m SO glad I won’t have to say it.
Because surely you already KNOW you shall never settle.
(*Sips tea with a smirk*)
But what if we’re not precisely sure what settling is, and thus what a non-settle-y relationship “SHOULD” look like?
I believe THAT can be one of the scariest sensations of all.
And it’s this gap in certainty that runs the weighty risk of leaving us scared to commit because they’re just MIGHT be something a little shinier on the other side of the pond…
You know what I’m talking about.
When you’re wondering if this is really as good as it’s gonna get?
Or maybe it’s TOO GOOD to be true?
Or what if someone else out there was meant to be “your person”?
Maybe these swirling suspicions arise after you’ve had a fight with your significant other, they didn’t pick the political nominee you liked, or your mom just got a “weird feeling” when setting sights on them – thus causing you to reconsider your own date-o-meter.
Or maybe he just didn’t choose the mac n cheese brand you liked.
After you specifically explained the importance of Annie’s shells on your anniversary night!
Whatever it may be, it can be difficult to decide if you’re overthinking it, riding on your high horse like the Bridgerton boys themselves, or simply settling when you shouldn’t be.
And (of course!) you want to know whether you should say goodbye or stay in it, like… YESTERDAY.
Because if the person you’re with is not “the one,” you want to get a refund, and begin browsing around for an upleveled model.
And really, what can we expect of ourselves, with most every App, iPhone, and article of clothing considered FASHUN outdating and updating every day – enticing us to a newer, shinier, brighter, better model.
We must be careful of such consumer culture, and avoid enabling our clarity of happiness, harmony, purpose and fulfillment to become clouded within a wanting “better” that becomes SO pervasive we fail to ever allow ourselves the feeling of satisfaction with what’s simply right in front of us, and within us.
Because, just as it goes with consumer culture, what’s “better” today, may not be your best bet tomorrow.
And while your knight in shining armor might save a horse and ride a Harley with his luscious locks waving in the wind at 20, that image might hit a little different when you’re 50.
You feel me?
In all honesty, I’ve been undeniably scared of serious commitment for this very reason.
Because committing without knowing exactly what could change in those 20 years – from hair to hopes and dreams – is scary as SHEEEET.
It’s a crippling sense of not knowing exactly which relationship will work best for not only yourself, but the other person involved as well.
Because a life partner is some SERIOUS business.
Thankfully, this past year of increased isolation has allowed me the opportunity to reflect, AWAY from societies “should’s.”
Here are five things that have helped me, and I hope will help you too:
1. Read The Defining Decade.
- Specifically, the part where clinical psychologist, Meg Jay, reveals that research on long-term marriages suggest what we need in a partnership changes over time, and then says, “I’m challenging you to be picky about things that might matter in twenty years, such as extreme differences in values or goals or personality — or whether you love each other.”
- As well as revealing that, “The trick for you is going to be to listen to what matters, not to every single thing that makes you dissatisfied or anxious.”
- (In other words, if you have a thing for hunks riding Harley’s today, that may not matter as much as the insides of the man who mounts it when you have three kids that want to play princess!)
2. Examine your thoughts and feelings from the inside, out.
- One of the most helpful things for me was really taking time to think about what I really want and believe, without asking the opinions of external audiences.
- Want to try it too? List your priorities in a partnership, and define what settling vs. saying “F-YES to the dress” would look like for you!
3. Don’t compare your timeline to when your Mom met her match, or when those in your city commonly settle down.
4. DO ask yourself what YOU want, and what feels right within your unique relationship.
And finally, #5:
TRUST YO’ GUT.
3. “Is anything more exhilarating than taking a gamble? For it is often the highest risk that carries the greatest reward. Yet, wager wrongly, and you might find yourself left with nothing but regret. Of course, one can never know for sure whether a wager will make a fortune or ruin it, unless one chooses a more secure pursuit.”
Good god is it a gamble indeed.
Quite possibly one of the greatest gambles of all!
Because who you end up with (whether it be yourself or someone else) will undoubtedly change your life.
And that can be intimidating AF, especially at first, when the #feels all feel so foreign.
You don’t know HOW it’s supposed to feel (in your heart OR in your bed!) how much fighting is TOO much fighting, and how much tension is just enough to keep it exciting in all the right ways!
But Lady Whistledown doesn’t leave us with those answers just yet.
Instead, I think Lady Whistledown wants to get at the very FIRST rule of thumb when it comes to courting:
Don’t be jaded by the bad boy.
Suffer with bad boy syndrome?
It’s NOT just you.
Here, take a looky loo:
Studies show that “bad boy’s” can be LITERALLY irresistible.
Like this one, which shows that “there’s a scientific reason why you’re attracted to bad boys.”
If you actually read that, know this:
If you totally connected to the last couple of paragraphs about hormones- SAME, girl. And I will be sharing my story to come on that soon!
(Like I promised, I’m sharing it all on here – even the weird stuff I myself don’t have quite figured out yet!)
And if you didn’t read, a fun fact for ya:
“When women are ovulating, they’re more likely to be drawn to sexually attractive qualities, such as specific facial features and dominant behaviors, and also tend to be drawn toward men who possess traits that are considered “fit” to pass on to their offspring.”
Very, VERYYYYYYYY interesting. 😉
4. “There is nothing like an excursion into nature to lift the spirits and loosen the tongue.”
Of course, nature LITERALLY loosens the tongues of our main characters (Daphne and Simon) in the garden makeout episode.
But I don’t think Whistledown only meant this to work as literally as it revealed itself in that juicy tongue twisting scene.
And yet, I ain’t complainin’!!
Additionally, I believe Whistledown realized something much more sacred: the erotic effects that excite us even alone, as individuals.
Because regardless of who’s alongside us in the garden, the harmony of life in that outdoor oasis (including the birds and the bees!) reminds us that we too have a purpose and place for existence.
And (before you nit-pick my nature example!) allow me to explain how this examination can change the way you approach the bedroom exponentially.
Self love is the basis for the best sex.
Plus, excursions outdoors loosen our tongues by allowing us to let go of our internal dialogue (who’s lies often lead us to believe that we are alone in our experience, and thus all that really matters), and brings us back to the belief that we are just a small (but sincerely significant!) part of something bigger.
And for our final Lady Whistledown whisper to close us out:
5. “And yet to those who may still find themselves out of both choices and hope, fear not. For who knows when and where one’s fortunes may change.”
Who knows when, who knows where, and who knows WHO will be the one to change it.
Dare I say it be you?
Because Bridgerton was based during the Regency period of 1813 to 1837, and (even though I too often still type 2020) this is 2021.
And here in 2021, I say you can love on yourself in any way you damn please.
And although, at first, that may sound intimidating, it’s also oh SO empowering.
Just like Joseph McClendon III says, “Fortune favors the bold, so boldly step up and dare to make your life magnificent.”
Whether it’s stepping up, stepping in, saving yourself from settling, strategizing on methods to simultaneously support yourself and the women around you, sex, or simply sending your spirit soaring with a stroll through the gardens, (if we can take ANYTHING from Bridgerton to the bedroom!) I hope you know that you can self-administer your own burn.
P.S. Did you relate to today’s post, or have your own tip to share on the topic? Let me know by leaving your comments below! Your feedback absolutely FUELS me, so thank you! <3
P.S.S. Wondering what I have to offer in terms of advice, based on what my relationship is like in REAL life? Access a few of my favorite relationship success strategies (and struggles!), in this 7 minute read!